WMV Music Web Log

I've had an odd sensation lately like vertigo when I think about the upcoming concerts - like a climber looking down. How can things get so out of hand when everything I do is self-generated? Well, things are no longer entirely self-generated. After more than six years there is a community of musicians, composers, listeners, supporters, poets, artists, and venues who are all expressing enthusiasms, preferences, excitement, wishes, impatience, etc. That is great, it is wonderful, it's what I always wanted - and it is also unfamiliar and insecure. All too often, people look at me with I suppose admiration and exclaim, "How can you do all that?!" - and I wonder, how CAN I do all that, and maybe I CAN'T! Or maybe I am cheating and I will be found out; or maybe I should explain that I don't really play all the notes, or that I have discovered some tricks, or it's all an illusion, smoke and mirrors. Smoke and mirrors, that's what John Morris says about his administrative skills, which no one who knows him would ever doubt. Sometimes I feel like shouting defensively, "Don't you dare try to stop me!" Other times I want to admit, of course it's an illusion - the only realities are love and obsession.